Luke 2:19 And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.
Luke 2:51 His mother kept all these things in her heart.
St. Luke gives us one of the longest Nativity stories, twice telling us that the Blessed Mother made certain to not forget about what was going on. First, she keeps in her heart the angels and shepherds who were the first to appear after her Son's birth; later, she chooses to keep close in her mind the Presentation in the Temple, the flight to Egypt, and then the return to Jerusalem and her Son going missing. It's both the good and the bad that she keeps, because both are integral to life.
Many times, I want to forget the bad -- the hours in a hospital, watching Jude struggle to ask for something as simple as a glass of juice, realizing that Jude continues to miss out on the things his (former) classmates are celebrating. "Just a part of the year" to most, the Thanksgiving luncheons and Christmas choir and the fast-approaching Kindergarten graduation are the things his brothers and sisters had, that I had imagined for him, but that will not be.
But if he had these, we wouldn't have other good memories. This past year has seen such huge growth in him, which I have been blessed to watch. He now will actually talk to people at the hospital. After a year of thrice weekly trips to the hospital, he can walk along the planters like a balance beam. And I've gotten to listen as he tries to make sense of what he learns-- like today, when I told him "Mama whales carry their babies piggyback when the babies are too tired to swim," and his response is "Why don't they put them in the stroller?" Or at bedtime prayers, when he innocently misquotes the Lord's Prayer and says, "Give us this day our daily ketchup bread, and forgive us our sandwiches..." He's doing his best.
So yes, many of the hurts stay in my heart. I can't imagine that Mary ever forgot that she stole away in the night to another country, or that she stood at the foot of the Cross and watched her Son die. But I also imagine her heart swelled with pride as her baby boy grew up -- as toddler Jesus took his first steps, as He learned His lessons, and when even though He was lost in the Temple, He was doing his best to share God with others. I can't imagine her little boy was the child she expected, either -- what little Jewish girl played house with a doll and pretended her baby was the Son of God? Both good and bad, as the Lord sees fit to give us...it may not have been what I expected, but I will cherish and hold it in my heart.
End.
Thanks to Lisa Jo for the prompt and hosting!
This was really powerful and touching to me, Meg. I try to be upbeat about our struggles, just as most do (including you), but we all do still have them and I'm glad you have acknowledged them here. I hurt, too, for "normal" things my boy will not do or have, although his struggle is not with autism. I think sometimes if I don't learn to recognize and accept those heartaches instead of trying to ignore them, I will not be able to get past them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post! As a fellow parent of special needs children I found it both encouraging and challenging. We haven't spent huge amounts of time at the hospital, but Down Syndrome was an unexpected plot twist. Sometimes overwhelming and often setting us apart from others.
ReplyDeleteI had never thought of Mary dealing with the same thing. It is something I'm going to chew on for awhile. Thank you!
Blessings and love to you.
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